Too Far Gone
by preefics
Summary: New Moon AU Bella can no longer distinguish between what's real and what's not. And Edward will use this to his advantage becaue he is just too far gone to stay away.


**A/N- I am very new to the Twilight fanfiction fandom and this is my first attempt. This is a New Moon AU fic. Edward was always supposed to come back even if Bella hadn't jumped from the cliff. That is the concept which I used. This story is a scenario of how Edward comes back to Bella. We will disregard the events concerning Bella's friendship with Jacob, werewolves, Laurent and Victoria.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. I am not Stephanie Mayer.**

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Humans are selfish creatures. I may not be a human being. But I am one very selfish vampire.

That is why I let her think I was just a figment of her imagination. Because I did not know any way to be with out her. I had forgotten how to exist without her. She was my reason. My only reason…

I told myself it was okay. I could see that without me, she too was unable to function. I came back one night just as she woke up screaming wildly from a restless sleep. I would have shown myself to her had Charlie not arrived that very moment. He cradled her to him like a babe, comforting her through out the night. I stood there, out of sight, thinking if vampires could cry, there would have been an ocean at my feet and raging waves to drown me and end this endless pain. I thought about killing myself that very night but it seemed unfair. How could I enjoy the peace of death when my Bella was in such agony and from which she could find no escape? So I decided, I would be her escape. I had left her to protect her from myself and now she would have me again to find relief.

I watched her for weeks as she went through life in a state of trance. She woke up screaming every night. She lost the light in her eyes. She lost her smile. She walked round with her arms wrapped around herself as if she would fall apart any second. Sometimes, she spoke as if some one was with her. She never mentioned a name but I knew she was speaking to me. An imaginary Edward. She accused him of breaking promises. I could see that she already thought I had violated our pact. I was driven enough by her suffering and my own to do what I did next.

I formulated the perfect plan.

That night, after she fell into a fitful sleep, I lay down beside her holding her hand. Tremors shook her body time to time as the night progressed. She was having nightmares again. I knew she would wake up soon. And this time I would be right here with her.

* * *

I opened my eyes again and Edward was still there, his prefect face just inches form mine.

This time when I closed my eyes, I kept them firmly shut. Even when I felt the cool whisper of his touch on my forehead or when I heard the velvet smoothness of his voice, concerned and anxious. It didn't matter anyway. The dream would end soon enough. They always did.

I shut my brain off from the image of his beauty, from his very presence that drew me to him like a magnet. I curled up even more tightly under the covers. It really was very frightening how vivid my imaginations were getting with each passing day. That figment of my imagination shook me now, calling my name softly.

"Bella, Bella."

It was so tempting to give in to those gentle prodding, to surrender to this dream. All I could do was whisper to the darkness, "No more, please. Just go away. I don't want to see you or hear you in my head anymore. I can't hold on to you anymore. I give up. You were right. You were never real."

But it seemed like I was doomed. Because I could still hear his tortured moan and the ache in his voice as he said, "My God, what have I done you, Bella?"

I could feel a grim smile tug at my lips. "You've killed my soul."

* * *

Those were the last words she said to me. I stayed with her all night long, just holding her hand.

And the next night.

And the next.

On the fourth night she turned to me in the middle of the night to bury her face in my chest. I smiled after what felt like years instead of just months.

On the fifth night she stopped screaming and I felt my heart lighten.

On the sixth night, she looked me in the eyes and kept staring for what felt like an eternity. A painful eternity. Because as I lost myself in those honeyed depths, the lack of life in those beloved eyes frightened me. The premature aging of her eyes gave the impression of her being older than even my own years. But I held her gaze as she transferred her hurt to me.

And then on the seventh night…

* * *

I knew he wasn't real. Maybe he had never been real. Because how could some so perfect and unearthly be real? But I could at least appreciate this angel that my imagination had created in the exact likeness of the real person who had left me all alone. At daytime, I performed my daily obligations with the deep, inexplicable, void that always haunted me but for the past one week, in the night at least, this emptiness would be chased away by this wonderful dream, which was within touching distance right now.

I closed my eyes and let my hand roam over him as he lay beside me still like a statue. I allowed my hand a will of its own and it caressed his chest lightly, going over the hard, pectoral muscles. I could feel his sharp intake of breath as my thumb hovered over his nipple, teasing. I could feel him staring at my face my I kept my gaze fixed on the my hand that was now circling down to his flat stomach, tracing his firm, cool, abdomen muscles. He stilled the movement of my hand by capturing it in his own. In a flash, he leaned over me, his face inches from mine as he let his cool intoxicating breath wash over me and steal my senses. His lips touched mine in a chaste kiss. And then one more. And more until I was wildly tugging at his lips for more contact, and he was slipping his tongue into my mouth for better access. He moved on top of me now, and I felt the delicious weight of his body over mine. His large hand cupped one side of my waist under my shirt and I gasped longingly at the cold touch wanting more. My skin tingled, my body trembled. He moved his mouth from my lips to my neck, lingering, sucking. His teeth scraped along my skin and for one moment I almost waited, craved for that bite that would make me like him. He groaned as if in agony as he tore his lips away from my skin and buried his face in my neck.

"Edward," I whispered those two unforgivable syllables for the first time in months. And as soon as I did, the usual pain gripped me. I untangled myself from him without meeting his eyes. This Edward wasn't real. These feeling weren't real. The real Edward would never have let the kiss go this far no matter how much I wanted it to.

And so I turned away. From him. And I drifted into darkness with the familiar agony hanging like a guillotine over me. And the next morning, I was alone. As usual.

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**A/N – Hope you enjoyed this and would like to read some more. Please don't forget to leave a review!**


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